Saturday, May 30, 2009

Californication


PREBLOG:
I started this blog intending to take pictures and write something about them. But I will continue doing that when I get a Cannon SLR because I don't like the picture quality of my Sony Cyber-Shot. Anyways, this blog has become a place of some not to good stuff. So in retribution I shall begin to look on the other side where the "grass is greener."

I have completed my first year at the University of California Berkeley. It went by much more quickly than I thought but the memories I made cannot be forgotten. In August, going there absolutely scared me because I am an introvert and making friends is quite hard for me, still is. I wasn't too attached to being at Berkeley since it probably wasn't my first choice. But I made myself believe I could make the best of it. I looked at different things I could join; I even applied for a job at the Daily Cal but later withdrew my application because I didn't think I had the time. After much shopping, nothing came close to draw me in like Circle K did; they were actually much more exciting than everyone else. It came to consume my life, well rather one of the few things that I actually committed myself to. My first and favorite project was Be the Change Day in which we renovated and repainted an elementary school somewhere near Palo Alto. That service project was much more fun than any other that I have been to, and it got me hooked. If you looked at my iCal for October and December, it is completely filled with purple events (for Circle K) and orange events (for class). I spent way too much time there than I should have for that semester but in a way it was a good thing.

I came to make some really close friends, albeit they are girls but nonetheless friends. (And Kenneth) I was happy for those few months having made friends and found my niche in this large school. But then I got my grades for first semester; they were not good at all. I know that sure the first semester is the hardest but those three letters was like a laugh in the face. Following winter break, I focused more on my school work, especially since I was taking four technical courses. I cut almost everything else I was doing. Circle K went from 200 hours in the fall to only 20 hours in spring. And I guess it paid off but I am still asldkfjaklsdjoi over my grades. They still need to be higher for me to be content. Plus I got much closer to the two nieces and nephew that I have up here in the Bay Area. According to their parents, they "love" me.




"I love Uncle Jason! ... Who is Uncle Jason?"
-Caden



Anyways this summer was suppose to my time to chill at home, but because Physics 7B is such a horrible class (and full next semester because the people who took 7A in the fall didn't want to take it in the spring so are taking it now) that I am forced to take it over the summer at Berkeley, which is costing me $1,106! Otherwise I would have taken math and economics at ELAC for about $200. I was hoping for this summer at home to get my life straight again (not that I strayed far from it). Just personal stuff. But I guess I can freak out about physics in the summer now and try to fix my life.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

redemption

I was close; very close as a matter of fact. BUT I am not about to let things that should be insignificant ruin my life. YET I cannot help but to hope that we can mend things.

Since I wrote that letter, I have come to realize that it was indeed my fault. I was insecure about myself, which lead me to blame you for letting me be insecure about us. For that I am sorry. And if we cannot mend this broken friendship, I want you to know that you were among the best I have ever had.

POSTBLOG:
Safari 4 Beta > Firefox 3 > Google Chrome > Internet Explorer 8

Saturday, May 2, 2009

I wanted to write something here.
But I just gave up.
Gave up on everything actually.
Even myself.